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Memory Cover

March 15th, 2005

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How is this poem.............................?

The windowpane reflects
a dark room with doors locked
broken cupboards and plates
pictures kept in dirty frames
their memories covered in dust
cobwebs filling the corners
as well as the room's center
walls with paint peeling off
lights that don't turn on
switches turned without effect
protruding wires energy no longer runs
filth piles upon the room's floors
fresh air doesn't enter nor exit
candles blown out signals gloom
desolate room cold and lifeless
a clock which stopped long ago

Wiping the panes with a cloth
Looking clearly,
beyond the window
sunlight illuminates flowers
plucked by pretty girls
and smiling boys playing
on swings and see-saws
rivers flow sparkling water
crisscrossing the extending plains
filled with with working
men,women and animals
of the beautiful countryside
green hills covered
by trees swaying
to the calm and fresh breeze
that fills the empty room with life
once that window is opened

A good draft--now go through and eiminate all of the unnecessary words. For example many of the following words are not needed to convey the meaning of the poem: the, a, and, as well as, on, off, that, with (used twice in a row 8 lines up).

After that revision, make sure each line is essential to the poem--your imagery is fantastic; try to add some metaphors.

Great job--keep writing.

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Toshiba Satellite C55 A5285 Laptop Bottom Memory Door Cover V000949680 Grade A
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